I know how deeply you love her and what you have gone through for her. I know what you’re willing to give and have given for her. I saw and I read how you desired her to come back to you. Now, I understand why.
I’m a fool thinking there is even just a faint hope for me and you. I don’t know what’s worse seeing you suffering for her or knowing that I exist to you but you see right through me.
It boiled down to me again as it should. I am not strong enough to wait nor foolish enough to keep waiting. Besides, you know me. I am not one with high hopes and I do give up easily. And I am giving up on you and that possibility.
I just hope I could keep my promise to myself.
I won’t cry. I shouldn’ t. What should I cry about anyways? A relationship that has been severed? But we don’t have one at least not the romantic type. A love lost? But you’re not in love with me. I shouldn’t cry. I shouldn’t.
I exist but you see right through me. You can’t be mine. I know. It is futile h0ping you’ll be mine someday.
I should let go now that I could still do.
Come back when I am well again.
I feel well right now. Come back. I told you I shouldn’t cry and I didn’t. I am well. Come back. I need you.
We are bonded by destruction. We drink love until we see pink elephants walking the streets of Manila. We even hear the same song like the faint clinking of the xylophone next door. We are indeed two of a kind: a fish and a fish, slimy yet beautiful. We both reek of sadness so we cling to each other. Do you agree?
No. We are not. I am fire and you are ice. Look at us. We are an abomination. I am donning a tee with a picture of strawberry milkshake which I wore to school today. You’re wearing you slacks and your black polo from work. I talk, you listen. You never talk at all. I never listen.
But last night happened, right?
You’re confusing me.
Yes, I am.
Last night, tense chills came up my spine as you came closer. My body was cold with sweat and my breath stank with spaghetti and orange mints. You hugged me and you never want to let go.
But the click of the clock was like a sawmill grinding me to pieces. The sand drifted away too fast. I savored every kiss but I am fire and you are ice. I melted you. You killed me.