Monthly Archives: November 2006

the unfeeling

Everyone comments, I’m too madrama. And it has come to a point where I’m quite irritated by it. I don’t think it’s drama when I say what I feel and what I think. I wish I was unfeeling. I’m hurt everytime one of my friends say I’m madrama when I confide to them. It’s as if they’re saying what I’m feeling isn’t valid. That hurts terribly.

To think, I confirmed from one of my closest friends thinks I’m indifferent to things happening to her. That hurts as well, knowing that I do care. When a friend thinks you’re indifferent it’s like she’s thinking you weren’t acting like a friend should. Not doing what a friend should do when another friend is in need. I know it’s different being there, being actually there. But being physically there is just a manifestation of being there. And I was.

I’m madrama and I’m indifferent. Ironic.

I wish I really don’t give a damn.


the break


Time stopped and then slowed down and ticked and ticked; and then it ticked faster rumbling so fast I couldn’t distinguish one tick from another. Tick tock tick tock. Time’s too fast I cannot follow. I’m running too fast or I’m running too slow. I’m never on time. I’m either too early or too late.

My Divisoria escapade with Mom was quite exhilirating because we breezed through shopping lots of stuff and it took us only 3 hours. We had good finds as well.

November 2, 2006. SM Manila —> TUP —> SM Manila —> Greenbelt Starbucks —> Greenbelt Powerbooks —> Home. I was a splurge that day. I bought lots of stuff like WITCH issue 52 and 53, book charm, cool clip, planner, etc. But my craving for Starbucks was quite satisfied and I even tried (stress on tried) to flirt with someone. It turned out I’m no good at flirting and I just kept gushing and I couldn’t even make eye contact.

The Breakable Promise. Friday night, Keech said he should’ve come but I didn’t textback and so he didn’t. Mckee and I was having a really bad fight over YM. But we ended up being friends still. Keech told me he’d just see me Saturday night. Saturday afternoon before six pm he texted “I’ll be there 11pm, See you later.” I waited and waited and there was no Keech. Sunday, I tried contacting people who knew him which are two exes, Joanne and Princess. Anyways, I tried talking to them but the former answered “I’m not his secretary.” The latter texted my friend whom I asked to contact her the following day. Monday, I called up Keech at work and to my relief he was there, but what surprised me is his reaction about me contacting his exes.

He said, “Bakit mo kinokontact LAHAT ng kakilala ko. Pati si Finn kinontact mo. Naiinis na sila sa akin.” in a very authoritative voice.

How dare him! How dare him get mad at me for doing what I did. I was willing to let go of him breaking his promise for the Nth time. I was willing to let go of him not calling to say he wasn’t coming over. But I don’t want that kind of tone he used and the accusatory statement.

I didn’t do anything wrong!!!

I was worried sick. I waited until 4am. I called his phone every now and then from Saturday night to Sunday evening. I even tried looking for his friends online and contacted his exes just to ask for info where I can call and check for his whereabouts or probably inform them that he is missing.

I ain’t to blame!

I’m tired of understanding you… I’m so tired… This angel has officially clipped her wings.